I’m old enough to remember when “queer” was a dirty word, scarlet letters gay people were expected to wear with shame. “He’s queer,” the old church lady might say, whispering “queer,” because it was just too awful to say out loud in polite Christian company.

It wasn’t until the great reclamation of the word commenced — around the time I came out in the early ’90s — that “queer” started to reemerge as an acceptable designation: “We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!”

Today, many of us wear it with pride. It’s become even more fashionable than “gay” (and for some Gen Z-ers, preferable to “gay”), perhaps partly because it’s not just about sexual orientation. You can call yourself “queer” without really committing to a label or fussing over pronouns. It encompasses sexual fluidity, politics, pop culture, and fashion. A guy who generally identifies as straight might actually call himself “queer” because he likes to wear makeup and frocks, and he’d rather watch RuPaul’s Drag Race than football.

My point: Language evolves. But I can’t imagine a day when it will be OK to refer to an effeminate man as a “sissy” or when anyone who isn’t British and talking about a cigarette will get away with saying “fag.”

Language evolves but maybe not that much. Still, I hope to see the day when certain gay-adjacent words and phrases, like the five excruciating ones below, are booted from regular circulation.

1. “The gays”

This is a cringey favorite of the type of straight woman who patterns herself after Grace Adler or Carrie Bradshaw and calls herself a “fag hag.” You’ve all seen her. On Friday and Saturday nights, she’s the one taking up way too much space on the dance floor or pushing her way to the front of the line at the bar.

The problem with “the gays” is that it makes us sound like a homogenous gang with the same tastes, dreams, and life experiences. We don’t meet up once a week to discuss what we love and what we hate so that we are all on the same page. We don’t wear matching outfits, worship all the same divas, and live in the gym. Some of us might actually watch the Super Bowl for the game, not the halftime show, and we sometimes even dare to let our dad bods go.

To my ears, “the gays” is just another way straight people subconsciously (or deliberately) keep us in a box labelled “separate,” put it on a shelf, and let us out on special occasions, like on a hens night when the ladies in the bridal party head to the local drag bar to show the world how cool the bride and her friends are.

2. “Guncle”

Oh, the Auntie Mame, Glinda the Good Witch, and Fairy Godmother of it all! This portmanteau of “gay” + “uncle” is not only infantilizing and patronizing, but it has creaky echoes of “confirmed bachelor” — an eccentric relative who wears paisley shirts and lives alone in a fabulous penthouse on the top of the city.

Uncles who happen to be gay aren’t all created equal. Sure, some of us will dote on our nieces and nephews and treat them like our surrogate children. We’ll buy them dolls and teach them all about makeup, art, culture, and fashion. Meanwhile, some of us will do the bare uncle minimum, like generations of uncles before us who had their own kids to spoil.

3. “Gay wedding”

I like to think there’s a specific reason why the law that legalized same-sex marriages is often referred to as “marriage equality”: It’s not just about gay people being able to marry; it’s about marriage being open to everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

I’m open to the idea of an “Indian” wedding or a “Jewish” wedding or a “Greek” wedding, or maybe even a “Black” wedding. Those nuptials are often marked by specific cultural touchstones, like “jumping the broom” and smashing plates, that you won’t see at other weddings. Two men getting married might not sound like a conventional white wedding with a bride and a groom (let’s face it: the music at the reception is going to be better), but other than that, chances are you won’t be able to tell the difference.

So the next time you think you’re going to a “gay wedding,” think again. You’re going to a wedding. The betrothed just happen to be two men, two women, or two whatever. Even if a drag queen — or Days of Our Lives’ Marlena Evans (Deidre Hall) — ends up officiating, it will still be, simply, a wedding.

4. “Gay sex”

And what exactly makes two people of the same gender screwing each other “gay sex”? Anal intercourse? Does that mean gay men who don’t have anal intercourse aren’t having “gay sex”? Are straight couples who have anal intercourse having “gay sex”? And what about lesbians? What kind of sex do they have?

I suppose “gay sex” is preferable to “sodomy” and the latter’s implication of blasphemy worthy of death by fire and brimstone. But when Salt-N-Pepa rapped “Let’s Talk About Sex” in 1990, I’m fairly certain they wanted to talk about it with us, too.

5. “Normal”

No, “normal” isn’t suddenly a dirty word. It only becomes filthy as sin when it’s applied to straight people, as if they should be considered the default when it comes to sexual orientation.

There’s a 1977 episode of the classic TV sitcom Three’s Company in which John Ritter’s character Jack Tripper comes out as straight to Mrs. Roper, his landlord’s wife who thought Jack was gay, after she figures it out on her own. “I’m as normal as Mr. Roper,” Jack says to Mrs. Roper. Ouch. That one still hurts. (I love Mrs. Roper’s perfect response, by the way.)

Maybe for those straight people who have spent their lives living under a rock and have only recently been exposed to gay people, we represent some kind of new normal. That doesn’t mean we haven’t been as normal as Mr. Roper all along.

This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Jeremy Heligar's work on Medium.