’Tis the season for slamming your work laptop shut and placing it out of sight until the new year. The holidays are here, corporate offices across industries are preparing to close up shop, and, if you’re lucky, you’ll soon be off the clock until the early days of the new year. I love that for you, and for me, too.
But, of course, not everyone is as fortunate. In some cases, the work must continue after Black Santa parallel-parks his sleigh and before the ball drops on New Year’s Eve. If you’re anything like me, you need to draft an out-of-office note to manage expectations.
Out-of-office notes tend to be pretty standard—they’re courtesy auto-replies letting folks know you’re not working, when you’ll be back, and who, if anyone, they can contact in your stead. Sometimes people add a pop of color hinting at a life outside of the office. But these things generally tend to be pretty vanilla.
I, for one, wish corporate peeps got more real with this messaging. Treat these notes like early-stage Facebook status updates: Share what you’re really thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This year has put folks through the ringer, with the unemployment rate hitting 4.6% in November (a four-year high), a presidential regime change, and the loss of icons like Malcolm Jamal-Warner. I plan to unpack, reflect, and maybe even indulge in coquito over the break. Why not keep it 100 for whoever reaches out in the interim?
Longtime readers will remember when I presented a list of pandemic-era openers as alternatives to “I hope this email finds you well.” Here are some OOO notes I wish I had the heart to schedule. Deploy at your own risk.
- I am currently out of office, taking advantage of PTO that is technically unlimited but spiritually frowned upon.
- I am currently out of office to recharge after running on vibes, caffeine, and anxiety for six consecutive quarters.
- I am currently out of office pretending to enjoy the holidays while Mariah Carey screams in every public space. Replies will resume in the new year.
- I am out of office avoiding the news for my mental health. Please do not forward any thinkpieces.
- I am currently out of office closing the approximately 637 tabs I have open—both literally and mentally.
- I am currently out of office, wearing a quarter-zip sweater and drinking matcha. I hope this auto-reply finds you doing the same.
- I’m OOO using the gym membership I will abandon by February.
- I am currently out of office, ignoring my inbox like it’s a group chat that is doing the most while I’m trying to do the least.
- I’ll be out of the office while my outtie binge-watches Severance and realizes this job feels familiar. Upon my return, the work will continue to be mysterious and important.
- I am currently out of office, unpacking this year with a licensed professional.
- I am currently out of office, pondering the spiritual meaning of “six-seven.”
- I am currently out of office, updating my résumé “just in case.”
- I am currently out of office, rewatching Sinners so I can feel something again.
- I am currently out of office but will absolutely read this message anyway and respond once my brain stops buffering.
- I’ll be out of the office doing the math on my holiday spending, reviewing my credit card statement, and pulling myself for a chat.
- I am currently out of office and launching my side hustle. Please subscribe to my Substack.
- I am currently out of office, but will be bumping that new Nas and DJ Premier album until further notice.
- I’m OOO until my burnout is no longer a personality trait.
- I am currently out of office pivoting to my new self. Let’s table this and circle back in Q1, when I have the bandwidth to get my ducks in a row.
- I am currently out of office, but don’t expect a response as soon as I get back. I’ll need a few days to remember how to do my job.
- I am currently out of office, but unfortunately still mentally available.