One morning, while rushing out the door, my youngest son struggled to zip his jacket.
He was focused, determined… but fumbling.
I bent down to help, half-distracted by the time and the to-do list already running in my mind. But before I could reach for the zipper, he looked up at me and said:
“Daddy, I got it.”
I froze.
Something about the way he said it — so sure, so certain — hit me differently that day.
Because the truth is, I hadn’t always given him the chance to “get it.” Not just with his jacket, but with puzzles, tying his shoes, pouring his juice, even his homework. I’d been correcting so much, I didn’t realize how often I was also interrupting.
As parents, we correct because we care. We want to save our kids from frustration, failure, and feeling like they’re not enough.
But ironically, that’s exactly what constant correction can create.
It doesn’t build confidence — it chips away at it.
It doesn’t create independence — it breeds doubt and dependence.
And it doesn’t encourage exploration — it enables hesitation and fear of getting it wrong.
Over time, children who are constantly corrected can internalize a dangerous belief: “I can’t do anything right unless someone tells me how.” That mindset doesn’t stay in childhood. It shows up in adulthood as perfectionism, procrastination, and a lack of trust in oneself.
We often think of correction as support. But when it becomes constant, it sends a different message:
- “You’re doing it wrong.”
- “You can’t be trusted to figure this out.”
- “You need me to succeed.”
It’s subtle, but over time, this approach damages more than it develops.
I started to notice this not only in parenting, but in leadership, coaching, and even in friendships. Correction, even with love, can become control.
It can strip away agency, creativity, and the critical lessons that only come from trying, failing, and figuring it out.
Here’s the shift I’ve made, and what I now coach other parents (and leaders) to do:
1. Pause Before You Correct
Before jumping in, ask: Is this a safety issue, or a control issue?
Most of the time, it’s the latter. Kids learn best when they get to engage, not just obey.
2. Ask Instead of Tell
Instead of: “No, do it like this,” try:
- “Want a tip?”
- “What do you think would work?”
- “Do you want help, or should I let you figure it out?”
This keeps them in the driver’s seat — and that’s where real learning happens.
3. Praise Effort, Not Just Results
Celebrate the trying, not just the achievement.
“Nice job sticking with that!” lands much deeper than “Good job!” after success.
4. Let Them Struggle (A Little)
Learning is messy. Growth happens in that space between not knowing and figuring it out.
If we constantly clean up that space, we rob them of resilience.
5. Reflect Together
After a challenge or mistake, talk through it:
- “What was hard about that?”
- “What did you learn?”
- “What might you try next time?”
This builds metacognition — thinking about their thinking — and it’s a powerful tool for life.
That morning with the zipper may seem small, but it shifted something big in me.
I realized I didn’t want to raise a child who was simply obedient or efficient.
I wanted to raise someone who felt capable. Who trusted themselves. Who didn’t fear mistakes. Who believed they could figure it out — even if it took time.
And that required something from me: more patience, less control. More coaching, less correcting.
Correction has its place. Kids do need guidance, structure, and sometimes firm redirection. But when correction becomes constant, it can backfire — and undo the very confidence we’re trying to build.
Whether you’re a parent, coach, teacher, or leader, the principle is the same:
Correct less. Encourage more. Trust the process.
The next time your child says, “I got it,” believe them. Let them try. Let them stumble. Let them soar. And just be there, not to fix, but to cheer them on.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Teronie Donaldson's work on Medium.