5 Things Trump Said In the First Debate That Would Cause Most Humans Shame, Ranked

5. “We’re weeks away from a vaccine.”

To be fair, we’re also weeks away from the end of systemic racism and establishing a human colony on Mars—it’s just a matter of the number of weeks.

4. “They want to take out the cows.”

As soon as AOC and her colleagues rolled out their Green New Deal proposal in 2019, Republicans ridiculed its contents. But only someone as simple-minded as Trumpito would think that a statement this stupid somehow owns the libs. (Real talk: Cow burps legitimately do release a staggering amount of methane into the atmosphere. Doesn’t make steak any less delicious, though.)

3. “You’ll see [my tax returns] as soon as it’s finished, you’ll see it.”

Nah, son, we already saw everything we need to. You’ve got all the business acumen of homie in Uncut Gems.

2. “This is not a right-wing problem. This is left wing.”

It’s not a right-wing problem that you’ve got militias traveling to Portland to intimidate and harass people? Or that teenager and police stan Kyle Rittenhouse shot and killed a protestor in Kenosha, Wisconsin because he traveled from out of state to play grownup with an assault rifle? Or that a seemingly endless parade of local officials—always, always Republican—is spouting wild racism on social media? Like so many other things this clown said last night, this was a big (red) cap.

1. Telling the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by.”

When you’re asked to condemn White supremacists and militia groups—by a Fox News anchor, no less!—there’s really one good answer. Unless, that is, you’re a White supremacist.