Another day, another cog on the gender war wheel.
Although most Black women have been unwittingly drawn into this cyber curfuffle by simply standing our ground, many other groups of women have begun chiming in on Black men, specifically.
Interestingly enough, despite the gaslighting of Black women who have only very recently started dating out in larger numbers, Black men are still one of the top demographics known for dating other, or at least, mixed-race women.
Earlier this month, a Latina woman took to the internet to announce that, despite dating them most of her life, she is officially done dating Black men. A proclamation that inspired a mixture of cheers and jeers across the board.
If you missed it, here is her rant, along with some unsolicited dusty commentary.
Not all men (eye roll)
In the interest of not arguing with your angry red-pillers, yes, we know it’s not all men. However, when women across races start calling out the same patterns, it’s probably time to look in the mirror, no?
Now, I know we can’t reassert harmful stereotypes about the Black male collective, in general. But we’re also not going to pretend there isn’t a very billigerent subset of Black men following the lead of ignorant rappers, athletes, etc., who assert that women are mostly only good for sex and appearances. And let’s be clear, even if other men agree, their voices and views are very dominant. The average Black man never speaks of uplifting their Black women and treating them well, and if they do, they are almost always very swiftly labeled “simps” by the remainder of the Black male collective.
And, indeed, in the same way men always want to humble Black women and remind us that many Black men are largely unimpressed by the aesthetic of unambiguous Black women, I feel the need to point out that most of the public figures these men are following are rich or even wealthy. This means they can truly survive without a community and even build their own. On the other hand, many of you are highly accessible men who work regular jobs, live everyday lives, and regularly double back to the Black women you claim to be above.
Moreover, you are also the men who constantly want to argue that women must pay 50/50, and some of the most likely men to earn less than their female counterparts. So, in short, the brute arrogance doesn’t match the reality.
Enter Latinas
Nevertheless, for once, this isn’t about Black women at all. I only included those talking points because women of other races are also starting to complain that Black men are horrible to date in general.
Some of them are complaining that Black men don’t plan proper dates, expect sex without sacrifice, and tend to give minimal effort in all aspects of the relationship.
And this is the part where I ask, are all of these women lying?
Granted, again, this cannot be attributed to all Black men, but in the same way Black women are frequently ridiculed for being “baby mamas,” which is something almost exclusively used to shame Black women, specifically, I’m more than comfortable with the women they date generalizing their complaints in the same way they generalize us.
Although I tend to agree that these issues are rampant in the Black community, this isn’t about me at all. I just find it curious that after Black women were gaslit and told to “choose better” for decades, the women who fit the phenotype that many Black men openly uplift now have the same complaints.
Additionally, her comment section was filled with women from all walks of life making similar claims. And, of course, many Black men showed up to drag the Latina woman (a woman many of them would probably step over their own mothers to get to) and gaslight the commenters, asserting that they had all chosen the worst men, and thus, it was all their fault.
Fine and dandy.
Accountability has no Color or Gender
At what point will we hold these particular Black men accountable? Honestly speaking, the reason I slam Black men so hard is not that they’re all the same; it’s because they very much live by the same code regardless of lifestyle.
In other words, even faithful and married men will laugh and give men tips to help them use women for sex while providing minimal effort. They will even befriend deadbeat fathers and men who are living overly reckless lives that are ruining our family structures and what’s left of the community.
This is where the buck stops.
Before you chime in about how women need to choose better Black men, ask yourself how many upstanding Black men you surround yourself with and whether they treat women in the way you assert the average Black man does.
Society, children, and even other Black women hold Black women accountable, but what about Black men? On the whole, they are treated like scarce resources that must be protected at all costs. Now, there is no harm in wanting to shield great Black men from the innate consequences of living in a racist society.
But the mediocre ones… What are we doing?
Black women at the top of their games are finding it more challenging than ever to find good Black partners, but even the most degenerate Black man has an almost limitless supply of eager options.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the role misogyny/noir plays in this equation; women are told they are worthless if they’re single, whereas men are encouraged to dodge accountability and remain single for as long as possible.
So, the longer we continue to pretend that being single is the worst fate ever, the longer horrible men will benefit from this social construct.
Back to Latinas
Many Black women were windmilling and telling Latinas to focus on their own community, but why should they? Many of them have benefited from our community’s self-hatred and the fact that many believe that almost anything is better than Black. So, if they want to air their grievances, I think they’re well within their rights.
At the same time, though, it’s absolutely problematic to give other races and demographics the keys to do such things. But if you’ve ever had a conversation about interracial dating with these types of men, the first thing they remind you is that they don’t belong to you, and they can do as they please.
So, who am I, right?
Well, I guess I’m just a sociologist and boy mom who notices patterns, calls them out, and allows everyone to do whatever they will with the information.
Final note: All the Latina women who disregarded the complaints of Black women expecting greater for themselves should take heed to the saying “no matter where you go, there you are.” In other words, no matter who these reckless, selfish, insecure men choose to date, at the end of the day, it’s still the same damn man.