Being in a loving, nurturing, and safe long-term relationship can be stabilizing, life-changing, and… well, boring.

Unfortunately, year after year of having sex with the same person in the same ways can quickly turn into not having sex at all — and often does. Coupled with everyday stressors like demanding careers, finances, aging parents, and/or raising your own kids, sex with your partner can easily become an afterthought. Familiarity can breed contempt; comfort can easily slip into complacency. Therefore, keeping your sex life exciting often takes a concerted effort.

One way to keep things exciting is by focusing on fantasies, many of which may call for the introduction of other sexual partners. Now, while many couples thrive in open relationships, many more prefer monogamy, which puts the kibosh on most fantasies (unless it’s The One-Man Gangbang!). That’s where a bit of imagination and amateur acting enter the equation. The “stranger at a bar” fantasy — a common role-play that involves lovers masquerading as unacquainted people hooking up — is one way to spice things up, but allow me to present a tweak that takes it to the next level.

Let’s start with the basics. First, you and your consenting partner choose a night to play. Leave the kids with a babysitter and clear your schedules for the following morning, so there are no nagging responsibilities to shake you out of the fantasy. Next, you’ll choose a location to meet. This setting will help set the tone and inform your characters’ backstories. Let’s say you meet at a five-star hotel; perhaps your role is that you’re in town for a weekend conference while your partner is only in town for one day to close a lucrative deal with the city. The possibilities are infinite.

Make it appear to onlookers as if you two just met; this will elevate your sexual excitement when the two of you start making out and eventually leave together.

To keep things under wraps, you should to get dressed, leave the house, and arrive at your location separately. You may want to splurge on a fancy hotel room and arrange for one of you to get ready there (which is where you’d both end the night, obviously). Just be sure not to plan too many of the night’s details. Once the date, time, and place are set, you can just let the rest flow. Part of what makes this fantasy so exciting is the element of the unknown.

The key to role-playing is to become your character. For example, your partner, who is now Anastasia, a Creole redheaded transplant from New Orleans, will get to the bar at least 30 minutes before you. This will give her time to settle in, grab a drink, and try out her new identity with the bartender and other patrons. By the time you arrive, it’ll be your turn to get to know her.

Belly up to the bar, look indecisively at the menu, and then ask her, “What are you having?” With that lame-but-effective conversation starter, it’s time to begin chitchatting with this total stranger. Over the next hour or so, the two of you will drink, eat, and flirt. To heighten your excitement, involve the bartender and those sitting nearby in your little game. Invite them into your conversation with gestures like, “I’d like to order another round for myself and my new friend, Anastasia.” Make it appear to onlookers as if you two just met; this will elevate your sexual excitement when the two of you start making out and eventually leave together.

If that’s not risqué enough, maybe you should try what I’ve affectionately dubbed Score With a Whore. Stay with me, here.

Instead of playing executives or jet-setters or people new to a city, you or your partner take on the persona of a sex worker. It’s a fantasy, for fuck’s sake, so why not escalate this would-be chance encounter on the kink-o-meter? The prostitute in the scenario can drop subtle hints about their profession while in public, and turn things up once behind closed doors.

This is obviously where things get hot. The whore in the story may not let the other know they expect to be paid until right before, during, or directly after sex. If payment is denied, they might hold their trick captive with hand ties and a blindfold. Maybe there’s some teasing or BDSM involved. Incorporate a goodie bag full of sex toys, outfits, wigs, lubricants, a whip — whatever floats your boat. Just be sure to elevate your usual sex game and plan to surprise and even shock your partner. What happens when you two are alone is up to you. The fun part is these strangers you’ve conjured up can do things to and with each other they’d never try with their significant others. Because after all, they’ll never see each other again.

That’s the wonderful thing about role-playing: Each of your characters is disposable. Every time you and your partner role-play in this way, the location, circumstances, backstories, and personalities can change. With fantasies like this, the two of you can always be brand new. You can always shock each other and fall in love over and over again.

In loving long-term relationships, you don’t need other people to make your fantasies come to life. All you need is a safe space and a safe word.