The 5 Best Ways to Help Your Kid With Homework When You Have No Fucking Clue, Ranked

5. “Go ask your mom.”

Sure, she majored in accounting and this is trigonometry homework. Numbers are numbers, right?

4. “You tell that teacher you don’t subscribe to their dogmatic, patriarchal version of history.”

When in doubt, just shame the whole colonial-ass system.

3. “Let’s see what Reddit says.”

Of course ‘because physics’ is an answer. What, are they science deniers at that damn school?

2. “Wait, is this the English teacher with the TikTok account?”

We’re not saying it’s definitely suspect. We’re just saying it’s suspect-adjacent… and reminding Mr. Twerkcam of that fact might just make this whole essay assignment moot.

1. “Alexa, if a train leaves Boston going 80 miles an hour and another train leaves Philly going 75 miles an hour…”

What good is a network of AI overlords if they can’t do story problems?

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