7. Los Del Rio, “Macarena”
It was cute back in ’95 when we were in elementary school, and a synchronized dance made boy/girl parties less awkward. But ’95 was a long time ago. If you’re trying to get folks on the floor, stick with “Cupid Shuffle.”
6. Shakira, “Hips Don’t Lie”
Shouts to Shakira for moves that nod to her Lebanese culture — and sure, the song is mostly in English. But if you’re bumping a song that easy-listening stations play by the hour, it’s a dub for your party.
5. Daddy Yankee, “Gasolina”
Any proud boricua will always love Daddy Yankee for how he’s repped Puerto Rico and reggaeton. Pero, the man has other hits to spin. At least bring your Latinx playlist into 2020 with “Con Calma.”
4. Don Omar, “Danza Kuduro”
Yes, the microwavable hit has taken weddings — and your mom’s Zumba class — by storm. But no, this doesn’t count as current merengue, and no, do not try to wheel the first mami you see out the dance floor to test out your moves. Leave this one on the sweaty Planet Fitness floor where it belongs.
3. Deorro feat. Pitbull & Elvis Crespo, “Bailar” (remix)
A true party nightmare. Mr. Worldwide has a way of irrevocably Jock Jams-ing otherwise great songs — so unless you’re programming time-out music at a sports arena, control-alt-delete this one off your Spotify playlists, ahora.
2. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee feat. (gasp) Justin Bieber, “Despacito”
Want to know how the summer of 2017 was ruined? It’s when Biebs hopped on Luis Fonsi’s unfuckwittable vibe and turned it into a millennial gringo anthem. Granted, it got even worse when homie decided to sing “Doritos, Doritos” onstage, but that’s less of a musical issue and more of an actual humanitarian crisis.
1. Elvis Crespo, “Suavemente”
Oh, “Suavemente,” how you have followed us around since 1999. Twenty-one years of DJs playing this track to introduce their “Latin set.” Twenty-one years of women scurrying off the dance floor before some guy pushes up. Yes, this song is classic; no, your Latinx friends do not want to get up and entertain you with merengue moves. Trust, you are not entertaining them in the slightest. Unless you’re trying to impress the abuelitas — who will def get out there and give you a show — make sure Elvis has left the building.