My first time plopping down on my therapist’s couch, I tried to breeze through the basics. Yes, upbringing, romance, family, social life — all important. But I entered that softly lit space to vent about the place that eats up a third of my waking life. I was there to talk about the office.
The physical location wasn’t the issue; the office snacks were elite. The problem was the people: the supervisor with no respect for work-life balance, the snooty coworker firing off slick emails, the boy’s club that would always look out for its own. Being the only Black employee there wore me out in ways I couldn’t always name. And talking it out with a licensed professional who looked like me — incense smoke in the air — helped me locate my peace from 9 to 5.
I’m thankful those healing sessions a few years ago kept me from crashing out on Brayden in sales. But I never anticipated they’d also make me a better manager once I had a team of my own to lead.
My most recent job had its share of team drama when I arrived. Morale was in the gutter, but workplace woes seemed to weigh heaviest on Gina, one of my direct reports. She was checked out like bell hooks books at the library. The go-getter energy she had when she started had devolved into bare-minimum effort — and a creative interpretation of the company’s “unlimited” vacation policy.
The 1.0 version of me might’ve addressed the situation by mirroring the coldness I experienced early in my career, parroting those icy conversations questioning whether I “had what it takes to be successful in a place like this.” Corporate America can be cutthroat, especially when deliverables are regularly behind schedule and quotas are missed. But I felt an obligation to help my team shine, which meant pulling from the lessons I internalized back on my therapist’s cozy Black upholstery.
I sat with Gina in a 1:1 meeting to remind her that the company’s PTO policy is at management’s discretion. But then I got curious about her apathy. Turns out, she said she’d been slept on more than Tempur-Pedic during promotion considerations. Even worse, before my arrival, she had been pushed into a role that was vastly different from the one she initially signed up for.
I let her know I understood her frustration, like, for real. After all, I’d previously been in her New Balances as I tried to climb the corporate ladder. I cut her a deal: If she stepped up on the non-negotiables, I’d give her a chance to prove herself as the point person on more challenging projects.
The results didn’t show themselves overnight. She’d been burned before, so it took some time and patience for her to fully buy in. But she took our handshake agreement and ran with it. Within a few weeks, she was hitting deadlines, contributing valuable ideas during brainstorming meetings, and even turning on her camera during Zoom calls. I gave her verbal flowers in her next performance review and got props from my boss, who was impressed at how I became an even better motivator than Jeezy.
The thing people don’t discuss enough is the way therapy teaches you the art of real talk — that is, effective, empathetic communication. You learn to listen actively, validate people’s feelings, and respond constructively. At first, it took conscious effort, but eventually it became second nature.
That doesn’t mean I turned into some kumbaya caricature of a manager. Accountability still mattered. I developed a knack for delivering (and receiving) tough feedback. I understood how to make people feel seen. The value of talking through interpersonal challenges — even the unsolvable ones. And because my team rocked with me, they wanted to kill it to make us all look good, I think. (Although in my self-conscious moments, I can only imagine what they’re telling their therapists about me. None of my business. Boundaries!)
I can trace so many of my management wins back to my therapist’s office, a safe space where I was challenged to pause before reacting, to see the bigger picture, to regulate before responding. So, no, I don’t recommend therapy just to survive toxic workplaces. I recommend it because it helps you build healthier ones.