The complete Jeffrey Epstein “Birthday Book” has been released to the House Oversight Committee. Much of the focus has been on the letter from Donald Trump to Epstein, one that Trump denied having existed or signed. A second letter and picture are gaining traction, one sent by real estate mogul Joel Pashcow, a longtime member of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club.
The photo shows Trump, Pashcow, and Epstein, holding an oversized mock check from Trump to Epstein for $22,500 to purchase an unidentified, “Fully depreciated” woman whose name and image were redacted. I am hopeful but not certain that Trump didn’t actually buy the woman in question. He’s certainly paid more after the fact to keep his sexual encounters private, $150,000 to Karen McDougal, and $130,000 to Stormy Daniels. Trump donated $25,000 to Pam Bondi’s campaign for re-election as Florida attorney general. Bondi, coincidentally, failed to join New York state in a lawsuit against Trump University around the same time. I’m less intrigued by the possible transaction than I am by the term “fully depreciated” woman. Here's what you need to understand to see what the three men found so funny.
Depreciation
Depreciation is an accounting term describing how a business spreads the cost of an asset over the years it is used rather than recording the entire expense in the year it's purchased. Depreciation typically applies to buildings, machinery, vehicles, furniture, and other types of equipment. It doesn’t apply to land, which is considered to have an unlimited life. One would have to be especially callous to apply the term to a woman; then again, two of the men were Epstein and Trump. The causes of depreciation are wear and tear, aging, and obsolescence.
Useful Life
The useful life of an asset is defined as:
- The period over which an asset is expected to be available for use by an entity, or
- The number of production or similar units expected to be obtained from the asset by an entity.
It is essential to differentiate between the useful life and the economic life of an asset. For instance, while a car may have an economic life exceeding 10 years, a company may choose to replace it every three years, making its useful life three years for accounting purposes. In certain circles, a wife or girlfriend would be replaced periodically. Based on Trump’s track record, Melania might want to start reviewing her options. Then again, she’s updated her pre-nuptial agreement multiple times, so she’s probably straight.
Carrying Cost
Since Trump, Epstein, et. al are looking at women as property. An important item to consider is the carrying cost. How much does it cost to keep the inventory in stock? One must determine the present and future role of the woman. The carrying cost of a side-piece is far less than that of a trophy wife. Sometimes the woman is paid to remain silent and go away, though that didn’t go as planned for Trump with McDougal and Daniels.
Fully Depreciated Assets Still in Use
Assets do not need to be disposed of when fully depreciated. The owner may elect to keep the asset, though their value is considered nil and they have no salvage value. One cannot usually sell a woman whose shelf life has expired, though Trump and Epstein may have found an exception.
Regularly reviewing and updating the useful life of assets is essential to comply with alpha male standards and prevent accounting errors. A close watch over the carrying costs is required to assess whether it is indeed “Cheaper to keep her.”
Locker Room Talk
In 2016, the Access Hollywood tape came out showing Trump describing how he can “Grab ’em by the pussy.” He goes on to say “I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it.” Trump dismissed these comments as "locker room talk” as if this is how men talk in specific environments. I dismissed the concept of locker room talk, as I have been around men's locker rooms most of my life and never heard guys talking that way. What I failed to realize is that there are types of locker rooms to which I’ve never had access.
I’d been in boys' and men's locker rooms associated with football, basketball, baseball, and track, but never a golf locker room at an exclusive resort. The typical golfer, even at a nice golf course, typically drives and drops off their bag at the bag drop area, where an attendant will check their bag and bring it to their cart. The golfer will park his car, change shoes in the parking lot, and check in for their tee time at the pro shop. When their round is over, they may go to the clubhouse for drinks or food. Whether they eat or not, it's back to the car without using the locker room.
Things are different when you’ve paid a $700,000 initiation fee like at Mar-a-Lago and $20,000 in annual dues. You make full use of the locker room with a shower, special soaps, and shampoos. Men relax in an environment of their peers, feeling free to say many things that are not politically correct outside those walls.
In the end, the “fully depreciated” joke isn’t just a window into the private humor of Trump, Epstein, and their circle — it’s a reminder of the casual cruelty that flourishes in insulated spaces where wealth and entitlement shield men from consequence. Behind closed doors, in locker rooms scented with privilege, women become punchlines, property, or liabilities to be managed. The language of accounting becomes the language of ownership, and the laughter comes easily when the human cost is kept out of sight. What the Birthday Book reveals isn’t only who signed it, but the values they signed their names to — and those values are worth far more public scrutiny than any oversized check.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of William Spivey's work on Medium. And if you dig his words, buy the man a coffee.