25 Questions We Have About That Biden-Sponsored Rap Battle
Photo: Joe Biden Campaign/YouTube

25 Questions We Have About That Biden-Sponsored Rap Battle

Two well-known MCs from the battle circuit. Four minutes. One enormous cringe.

Joe Biden is ballin’ outta control. His presidential campaign has been smashing fundraising records at a steady clip, raking in hundreds of millions in handouts every month. As Election Day approaches, the former vice president and his running mate, Sen. Kamala Harris, have made good use of those donation dollars, hitting the road to get face time with potential voters in battleground states around the country.

When you’ve got a war chest that big, you can get creative with advertising and outreach efforts—and the campaign did just that, presenting its latest voting awareness PSA as a freestyle battle between two respected names in the sport. The clip, which hit the internet yesterday, features Queens rapper DNA hounding Harlem’s own Charlie Clips about the importance of voting blue no matter who literally paid for his endorsement.

Is the clip informative? Perhaps. Does it reek of pandering? Definitely. OD on cringe? You betcha. The melodramatics, questionable bars (some of which were clearly not vetted or fact-checked), and overall absurdity are more laughable than enticing to potential voters. And it’s left us with more questions than answers. While we await a round two clap back from President Donald Trump, Biden’s latest appeal to young voters leaves us with these headscratchers.

  1. SMACK DVD Presents: Schoolhouse Rock. Who says no?
  2. First of all, why are these dudes texting in all caps? Is this Mero talking to himself?
  3. Can you please find us anyone who has ever texted the phrase “TODAY IS NOT THE DAY TO PRACTICE YER JUMPER?” Like, with the “yer” in it?
  4. Which one of your friends is about to pull up on you while you’re minding your Black-ass business to scream about Joe fucking Biden?
  5. Why does DNA get to keep his name when he clearly doesn’t respect the science behind social distancing?
  6. Charlie Clips said the presidential choice ain’t a knock out so it’s not enTYSON him and, wow, what we wouldn’t give to have Iron Mike bite our ears off right now. [Ed. — not a question, but we’ll allow it!]
  7. Joe Biden?
  8. Joseph Malarkey Biden?
  9. Banning police chokeholds is “inspiring”? Did DeRay McKesson ghostwrite this?
  10. The fact that DNA said, “I see the way you lookin’ right now, you know exactly where I’ma go with this” — how many times has he interrupted this man’s shootaround?
  11. Why doesn’t Charlie Clips change courts?
  12. Wait, is Charlie Clips an undecided voter? Do those still exist?
  13. Related: Where the fuck is Ken Bone?
  14. How long before one of us responds to an annoying-ass co-worker by saying, “You see I did my research, which is exactly why I can rebuttal that”?
  15. Why did we have to change settings to talk about Black people being shot? Was the playground just not ready for that real talk?
  16. What anti-cop ether did DNA drop at the 3:32 mark that was apparently so spicy they had to backward-mask it?
  17. We know Dems are nervous that Trump has been making inroads with Black/Latinx men, but do the streets really need this?
  18. Was Corn Pop not available? (Yikes, apparently not.)
  19. Why can’t we shake the suspicion that this whole thing was Harris’ husband’s idea?
  20. We mean, are you really gonna tell us this isn’t the face of a guy who yelled out “how about a diggity-dope rap battle?!” in the middle of a strategy brainstorm?
  21. This is what happens when you call Tupac the best rapper alive, isn’t it?
  22. Does this mean Yelawolf and Kid Rock are going to have a rap battle to tell us how mail-in votes are easily hacked?
  23. Fuck a presidential debate — can we just get Trump and Biden to battle rap with Smack White as a moderator? Guarantee that nobody would go over their time.
  24. Wouldn’t you have rather watched Loaded Lux rap about the unemployment rate, punctuating every few bars with, “You gon’ get this work”?
  25. If you donated to Biden’s campaign, how do you feel about this use of political funds?