5 Excuses To Give For Your Kids’ Missing Remote-Learning Homework, Ranked

5. “Our Roomba got into a fight with Alexa, and the drama wiped out our Wi-Fi.”

This is what happens when the family vacuum gets too smart.

4. “We’re keeping our kid off Zoom classes because of all the porn popping up on Zoom calls. The porn Zooms should really be parents-only.”

“Amateur” has lost all meaning.

3. “The school Chromebook smells like peanuts, and we just can’t trust that it won’t trigger an allergic reaction.”

Paper’s out, but we shouldn’t need to borrow an EpiPen too.

2. “Frankly, we can’t afford all this electricity. The kids will turn in the project after the next billing cycle.”

Maybe solar panels should have been on the school-supply list.

1. “Yes, my son’s ‘What I Did This Summer’ essay is a blank page with a sad emoji in the middle. This is intentional.”

Because nobody did shit this summer.