5. The cameraman who wears New Balance because—well, you know
It’s not that he hates exploitative labor practices or attractive sneakers, it’s just that White men really need something to call their own.
4. The woman in the third row who once touched her coworker’s hair and said, “Oh, fun!”
And she still doesn’t understand why Kim so got upset. IT WAS A COMPLIMENT, KIM.
3. The retiree taking tickets who never stopped saying “Rap music? More like CRAP music!”
What happened to singing? What happened to emotion? Now it’s all a-hubba-hubba-[terrible sputtering sound].
2. The teenager who yells racial slurs while playing ‘Call of Duty: Warzone’ seven hours a day
He didn’t ask you, Mom. Just leave the casserole by the basement stairs and leave him alone!
1. The security guard who was winking at everyone in a MAGA cap
Sure thing, hoss. Go ahead on in. Be shame if something happened to these socialists, though, amirite?