5. The Snitch-Tagger
This person has big federal-agent energy. Whenever you say something mildly shady about someone else, they quote-tweet you and tag the person’s handle, usually to invite that person and their armada of dweeby followers to trash your mentions. If we wanted to address them directly, we would’ve done so ourselves, you weird-ass hall monitor.
4. The “Well Actually”-er
Please. Please leave us alone so we can make our jokes in peace. We don’t care about facts on this hellscape of an app. We just want the soft caress of temporary happiness.
3. The “Too Woke for Fun”
This first cousin of the “Well Actually”-er wants to remind us that we live in a patriarchal, capitalist, racist, imperialistic, anti-socialist society, where everything feeds the beast of anti-liberation. WE KNOW. But please just let us laugh at Bernie Sanders memes.
2. The Misogynist
Quick! Block everyone who has something bad to say about the #BussItChallenge. These dudes see pics of beautiful women and find creative ways to speculate on whether they had dads in their lives. These men really hop on the bird app and get off all of their anger towards women. They gotta go — from Twitter, and from all social circles.
1. The Drama King
No Kay Slay. There’s nothing worse than people who turn Twitter into The Jerry Springer Show. These savages live to fight and post DMs and argue with their exes and call people all sorts of insults just for chaos. We really don’t need you around. Go have a knife fight in an alley or something.