6. They’re playing Robin Hood with passwords
There’s an unspoken and sanctified contract between the actual account holder of a streaming service and whoever is lucky enough to be bestowed with (free) access: This is for your eyez only, word to Cole. Passing around the login info like a blunt in rotation — to the point where the person whose credit card is on file is being bumped from viewing — is a surefire way to get your privileges revoked.
5. They don’t set up their own profile
Have some manners; don’t fuck up the algorithms. There’s nothing worse than scrolling to the “Because You Watched” section on Netflix only to find the first scene of Good Deeds begin autoplaying. We’ve spent a lot of time personalizing our account, and this is how you repay us?!
4. They’re spoiling your shows
So you’ve leeched your way into Hulu access without paying for it. Shoutout to you — but that certainly doesn’t give you license to binge-watch Woke and text the purveyor of said viewing with thoughts on the season finale. You know damn well they’re still on episode three!
3. Being a douchebag in general
Look, if you’re holding anywhere from $12 to $17.99 of our money, in perpetuity, on your iPad, it is quite literally a price hanging over your head. You need to be on your best damn behavior at all times, fam.
2. We stopped making sweet, sweet love
Upon breakup, all benefits are revoked, especially streaming benefits. Your new man Leonard doesn’t have Starz? Good luck finding out what happens to Tariq on Power! YOU WERE MY CINNAMON APPLE.
1. They don’t reciprocate
So we got Disney+ and YouTubeTV accounts, and you can’t run me the HBO Max? You’ll never have our streaming account info — or our friendship—ever again.
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