The 6 Best Reasons to Kick Someone Off Your Streaming Service, Ranked
Photo illustration; source: Jakub Porzycki/Getty Images

The 6 Best Reasons to Kick Someone Off Your Streaming Service, Ranked

There’s rules to this shit. We wrote us a manual.

6. They’re playing Robin Hood with passwords

There’s an unspoken and sanctified contract between the actual account holder of a streaming service and whoever is lucky enough to be bestowed with (free) access: This is for your eyez only, word to Cole. Passing around the login info like a blunt in rotation — to the point where the person whose credit card is on file is being bumped from viewing — is a surefire way to get your privileges revoked.

5. They don’t set up their own profile

Have some manners; don’t fuck up the algorithms. There’s nothing worse than scrolling to the “Because You Watched” section on Netflix only to find the first scene of Good Deeds begin autoplaying. We’ve spent a lot of time personalizing our account, and this is how you repay us?!

4. They’re spoiling your shows

So you’ve leeched your way into Hulu access without paying for it. Shoutout to you — but that certainly doesn’t give you license to binge-watch Woke and text the purveyor of said viewing with thoughts on the season finale. You know damn well they’re still on episode three!

3. Being a douchebag in general

Look, if you’re holding anywhere from $12 to $17.99 of our money, in perpetuity, on your iPad, it is quite literally a price hanging over your head. You need to be on your best damn behavior at all times, fam.

2. We stopped making sweet, sweet love

Upon breakup, all benefits are revoked, especially streaming benefits. Your new man Leonard doesn’t have Starz? Good luck finding out what happens to Tariq on Power! YOU WERE MY CINNAMON APPLE.

1. They don’t reciprocate

So we got Disney+ and YouTubeTV accounts, and you can’t run me the HBO Max? You’ll never have our streaming account info — or our friendship—ever again.

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