6. The Old Head
“Y’all know about Frankie Beverly — but what you know about his cousin, Janky Beverly?!” All respect to the OGs, but we’ll take our taper without the gems and history lesson.
5. The New Barber
Unwritten rule: The rookie gets the chair closest to the door. And while we feel your hustle — you gotta get your clientele up — we’re all good waiting for our regular guy. You can stop asking to cut us, fam.
4. The Jokester
There’s always that one dude constantly playing the dozens or testing his standup material for a captive audience. Give it a rest.
3. The Scammer
In generations past, this was your friendly neighborhood bootlegger, hawking homemade DVDs of Big Momma’s House 2. These days, he pops up every 15 minutes to sling black-market hoverboards that go full IED if you even look at a pothole. Roll out, bro.
2. The Break-Taker (aka The Bibby)
Whether stopping to eat (slowly), step out for a mid-haircut smoke, or bicker with his girl on the phone, this dude is the reason getting a shape-up is a three-hour affair.
1. The Troll
You know him: the one who hates all of the hometown sports teams and makes sure everyone in the shop knows it. He’ll egg on an argument about anything from the tastiest pizza topping to which album is Kendrick Lamar’s best. He’s exactly the kind of person who would spend an ungodly amount of time and effort ranking the most trivial subjects imaginable. Which, uh… hm. Never mind.