6. A Danish cookie tin full of sewing supplies
You didn’t know Joe Biden has big meemaw energy? Nancy Pelosi has reportedly been fed up with thinking ol’ boy has snacks in his cabinet. Turns out, it’s just stuff to keep his suits fresh.
5. Rahm Emanuel
That’s right. Joe Biden has Rahm locked away in his kitchen cabinet, sending policy via Morse code so no one knows they’re working together.
4. Jerk seasoning
You might be shocked to discover that Biden throws down and eats a plate of Jamaican jerk chicken every Wednesday night. Rice and peas, callaloo, all that. It’s a family tradition.
3. An air fryer
Oh, you think you’re part of some new trend because you copped an air fryer on Cyber Monday? Smokin’ Joe has had one since 1967. It comes with a crank and has a cassette player built into the side that only plays The Best of the Isley Brothers.
2. A Crown Royal bag full of change
Is Joe Biden a warm-blooded American? Yes, he is. Which means Joe has one of those ubiquitous purple velvet bags stashed away, full of quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies. There may even be a Black N’ Mild in there, too.
1. 45 gallons of Wet Wipes and 700 cans of Lysol
Having these items isn’t really surprising given we’re all stockpiling cleaning supplies. But this isn’t about Covid. Biden is about to move into Donald Trump’s residence; for the next four years, that man is gonna be wiping down his commode every time he “drains the swamp.” Believe that.
[Ed. Note: LEVEL was not able to confirm nor deny anything contained in this report.]
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