The 6 Sexiest Veggies to Grow During a Pandemic, Ranked

6. Eggplant

It may be played out in the emoji world, but the humble aubergine still belongs in every pandemic garden — both for its alluring purple color and its hall of fame BDE.

5. Sweet potatoes

Get into the pink with these tasty tubers. You might even find one Georgia O’Keeffe would have loved.

4. Penis peppers

This is true: Amazon sells seeds for hot chili peppers that look like penises. Not on purpose, exactly. (And as penises go, they’re not not weird-looking.) But still, there’s no better way to keep it spicy.

3. Carrots

Carrots have almost been ruined by that one disgusting Trump meme, but don’t let that distract you from a vitamin-rich pair of getaway sticks!

2. Onions

From the right angle, onions look like breasts. They make their own cleavage. They can also improve your sex life. Dip dip di, you’re making us cry.

1. Radishes

The underappreciated vegetable is having a moment in 2020 — but that’s just a culinary trend. When you’re starved for human contact after months of isolation, you’ll appreciate that these seductive sirens have roots that go allllll the way up.