6. Distance Spooning
Sure, it’s nice to stay hugged up throughout a REM cycle, but when that temperature’s rising, gotta give us three feet, word to Weezy.
5. Three Sheets to the Wind
Nope, not drunk — just as uncovered as possible. Unless you’ve got some magical diaphanous linen that distributes chilled vapor over your body, keeping the covers on is a sureness your dermis’ll be a furnace.
4. The Full Backyardigan
Lucky enough to have some private outdoor space? A patio? Roof access? A driveway? Anything that lets you retire in the relative bliss of the night air? Camping time! Forget the tent, just pull out the air mattress and pray for a breeze.
3. Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
Heat rises, right? [Taps head knowingly] Get underneath it, fam. Plus, you’re closer to that poor plug-in Vornado trying to do the job of a 8,000 BTU air conditioner.
2. The Voluntary Doghouse
No, you didn’t fuck up. But take the L — and the couch — anyway. Bonus points for framing it as “Baby, I just want you to be comfortable.”
1. The Beast With No Back
We’ve already established that spoons belong in separate drawers (unless you’re in a relationship with a sentient Slurpee), and face-to-face introduces hot breath into the equation. Just pretend you’re annoyed with each other — which, real talk, you might be when the room’s as muggy as an Everglades greenhouse — and face opposite sides of the bed.