8. The person who only posts group photos
If we wanted to practice the process of elimination, we wouldn’t be on a dating app — we’d be somewhere flunking our LSATs.
7. The “super liker”
There are only three explanations for upping the ante with a “super like”: A) this person is intensely into your profile, and may or may not want to have your babies; B) they are desperate, and possibly a creep; or C) it was an accidental swipe. The mental gymnastics are exhausting, so we’re just gonna assume it’s B.
6. The undersharer
This person types phrases like “just ask” as their bio, which kind of defeats its purpose (and makes for a weak conversation starter). Otherwise, they leave a sequence of emojis to be decoded, in which case they might as well have just left the damn thing blank. Dolphin lightbulb siren financial chart, yadidamean?
5. The camera shy
Somehow this person fails to realize they’re using the most superficial app on the planet. Their photos are either oddly angled snapshots of random body parts (nice kneecap!) or images in which they’re not shown at all (nice parakeet!).
4. The mute
At some point, you came across each other’s profiles, were captivated by the photos and bios (with words!) you found there, and were compelled to swipe right. Sparks flew. Serotonin rushed. And that was the end of your Tinder love story, because this person either refuses to reach out first or fails to respond to any digital attempt at connection. Even that parakeet talks more.
3. The clout collector
The Instagram industrial complex is real, so this person’s Tinder account is basically an ad for their other social media accounts. You might be surprised by how positively this person responds to “I’d double tap that ass” — even if the response is invariably an OnlyFans link.
2. The horndog
This person’s idea of an icebreaker is “What are you wearing right now?” Yes, Tinder is the unofficial sex app, but damn, is foreplay dead?
1. The bot
You’ve never met a White woman named Caresha. Nor have you encountered a human who uses such weird syntax, messages with an alarming swiftness, and responds to straightforward questions with a suspicious indirectness. Time for the potato test.