This New Ice Cream Flavor No One Asked for Tastes Like a Dive Bar
Photo: Christine Siracusa

This New Ice Cream Flavor No One Asked for Tastes Like a Dive Bar

I get it: Ice cream inspired by cigarettes and sticky floors might sound awful. Yet I'm intrigued?

When it comes to ice cream fandom, there are two schools of thought: The purist and the avant-garde. Old school and new school. The former sticks to a finite selection of the traditional flavors: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip. Even caramel sundaes is getting touched.

On the other end, new school ice cream connoisseurs have seemingly endless options. I'm talking flavors like peanut butter-and-jelly, s'mores, or even more unexpected fare (see: Jeni's everything bagel ice cream). How far is too far will depend on who is holding the cone.

Well, those limits are about to be tested.

Tipsy Scoop, a New York-based artisanal ice cream company that specializes in boozy treats, has a new offering that ups the ante as far as conceptual flavors go. Instead of transforming dishes that are definitely not desserts into scoops of the cold stuff, the ice creamery has teamed up with Miller High Life (yes, the Champagne of Beers™) to attempt to pack an entire after-dark experience onto a stick. Behold: the Ice Cream Dive Bar.

Released earlier this week, Tipsy Scoop's latest concoction is an ice cream bar inspired by all of the elements of a dive bar. The peanut swirl is a nod to pubs' salty staple snack. Caramel swirl is evocative of sticky-ass dive bar floors. There's a hint of tobacco flavor because, hey, why the hell not? And the dark chocolate coating represents the patinated wood and dim lighting ambiance that seems to characterize all of these regret-filled haunts.

(Did I mention the Ice Cream Dive Bar features High Life-infused ice cream with up to 5% alcohol by volume content? That's right: Devour enough of these tavern-themed goodies and, in the words of Dave Chappelle (as Samuel L. Jackson), IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK!)

Nancy P, the sole customer reviewer of the Ice Cream Dive Bar on Tipsy Scoop's site, writes "we didn't ask for this... abomination of flavors." Thank you for that, Nancy (and your curious 5-star rating). But also, frankly, speak for yourself.

Sure, eating something intended to remind you of an audibly sticky floor may seem gross, but I think this ingredient list gestures in the direction of a sleeper hit. Plus, who among us hasn’t spent countless hours swilling High Life at their favorite dive bar once upon a time? When I was 21, my diet was basically Miller High Life and party pizzas. Let’s pray nobody makes ice cream out of that pairing. Defund the police, yes, but if somebody puts that on shelves, they'll need to see bookings.