Illustration: Janet Sung
I’ve been writing this column for months now, and I’ve enjoyed the feedback from loyal readers. It seems like the vast majority of y’all are careful, gentle lovers. You’re open-minded and down for (most) new experiences. (Except none of y’all were interested in, um, changing your diet.) And in part because of that, we accept you for who you are.
If there’s one thing that social distancing has taught us, it’s that the LEVEL reader really cares about hair — from going gray to debating the most iconic styles to guidance on how to keep it growing in abundance. We women love your hair (the hair on your head), whether you’re rockin’ with a poofy ’fro or thinning to the point where you’ve decided to come home. Rock that baldie with pride!
Truth be told, as long as you treat us right, keep us satisfied, and are willing to try something new every now and then, we could give a damn about what’s going on atop your dome. Confidence comes from within, not from Samson-length locks.
Perhaps she’d appreciate a trim with a number-two guard — or if you went completely bald down under, like Fredro Starr in Australia.
So if you’ve been feeling insecure about your situation, take a moment after your next shower and peep your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Look at the handsome face, the maybe kinda-rugged hairline, smile, and think to yourself, Who cares if it’s been two months since my last cut? My partner loves me just the way I am.
Now, while you’re still standing there naked, look down. No, lower. You see that other scruffy situation going on?
Yeah, we’re gonna need you to handle that.
Many women take it upon themselves to figure out a hair management routine for their nether regions — especially if their partners ask for it. (My waxing salon has been closed for months, so I’m going to have to grab some clippers and take matters into my own hands. I am not looking forward to this. But it must be done.)
If you haven’t already, ask your partner whether you should make like a gardener and shear the shrubs.
You might be surprised by where the conversation goes. Maybe she’s all gucci with your mane. Perhaps she’d appreciate a trim with a number-two guard — or if you went completely bald down under, like Fredro Starr in Australia. Talk it out; maybe there’s something that works for you both. (Since pubes aren’t exactly casual conversation fodder, feel free to share this piece to kick-start the convo. You know, the ol’ “LOL check this out. Is she serious?” gambit.)
That talk can go beyond your privates. Men tend to let their hair fly freely everywhere: shoulders, chest, back, legs. Maybe your partner appreciates taco meat that doesn’t come in a tortilla. Maybe she loves that you resemble a large, upright dog — Chewbacca with a nice crib and good credit. But even with those preferences, my guess is that most will appreciate some degree of upkeep. If so, take care. Grab a pre-shave serum, take a hot shower, and have at it. Just remember: hair removal processes come with the risk of infection or ingrown hairs. So for the unskilled and/or shaky-handed reading this, advanced manscaping may be better left to a professional.
Don’t feel like dealing with any of this, even after your partner has made the request? Fine. Do what makes you feel comfortable. (I guess.) But I’m going to say this flat-out: If you expect oral action, you’d better be shaving your boys. Like, seriously. Be considerate to those who venture down there.
Remember, we love you just the way you are. Going hairless up top? We’ve got your back. Just do us a favor and check below the equator. Bald might work there, too.