6. An Obscure Acronym For “Quite Unusual Internet Business Investment”
With nearly $2 billion in capital before it even launched, the mobile-only platform isn’t just well-funded — it’s damn near unprecedented.
5. The Newest Member of the YBN Crew
Nahmir, Glizzy, Cordae, Quibi. Why not?
4. Jell-O’s Planned Meat Substitute
It wiggles. It jiggles. It… quibbles? Dunno, Julia in Marketing seemed convinced it was a good idea.
3. Contorted New Slang Popeyes Is Trying to Make Happen
“Hey fellow kids: chicken is … [consults Black Twitter circa 2017] … lit! Beef is … [riffles furiously through dogeared youth-pastor pamphlet] … whiggity-whack! So tell ya ‘peeps’ to quit beefin’ — or #quibi for short! Fav if you somehow think we’re not the police, RT if you’re Chik-fil-A’s social-media manager who can’t believe this is who they’re up against.”
2. That Annoying-Ass New Visitor to Your Animal Crossing Island
She’s like a … platypus, maybe? Or a duck? Either way, she wears a weird amount of makeup for an animal, and she keeps giving you recipes for Itchy Turtleneck Sweaters and Stained Tupperware.
1. Joe Exotic’s Abandoned Rap Persona
“I said a hip, a hop, a hippo’s in my bathroom and my mullet’s now a habitat to several kinds of bat!” Stick to country, bruh.