7. A slug of bourbon
“If you run out of it, put some water in the jar, shake it up — more ’tussin!” — Chris Rock
5. Hot-ass blanket
Wrap yourself up and sweat it out.
Can’t experience symptoms when you’re knocked the fuck out.
3. Vicks VapoRub
Real ones know.
2. Ginger ale
But only Canada Dry. Best paired with saltine crackers and hours of lying in bed (see number five).
Read more: The 9 Best Coronavirus-Safe Greetings