7. Kamala Harris
This goes out to the Karens of the world: Halloween is not an opportunity to find redemption for a banner year of buffoonery by dressing up as the maybe future vice president, who, it bears repeating, is a Black woman. We know you think with the right wig and makeup (see #1), you could pull it off — and that it’d be a great thing! Just trust us on this one. It won’t.
6. A zombie
Look, 2020 has been the wildest year in human history. Real-life horrors are infinite. So there’s no reason to believe that zombies are out of the question here. If you’re going to dress up as one, just be prepared for some mall ninja who’s been mainlining Alex Jones to think the real zombie apocalypse has begun and that we all need to fend for ourselves. Don’t be surprised if you catch a wooden spear through the heart or head. Them’s the rules now.
You know someone is going to think it’s funny to dress up as the virus that has killed more than a million people worldwide. You just know it. You also know that it’s going to be that one douchebag at work who thinks his comedy is edgy when really it just makes you want to punch him in his nethers.
4. A cop
Just abolish this idea already.
3. Some impossibly adult costume for your kids
Last year, Instagram feeds were full of children dressed up as Nipsey Hussle, with captions declaring that they were quoting lyrics from his Victory Lap album. Sure, it was cute, but we all knew it was cap. Quit the lies. Just let your damn kids dress as Mickey Mouse or a Backyardigan or whatever the hell they want to be. (Looking at you, #RuthkandaForever lady.)
2. Donald Trump — or one of his supporters
Keep your goofiest costumes for the other days of the year, please and thank you.
1. Anyone in blackface
Okay, so just to be safe: Stay away from Home Depot all October. Don’t even go close to the paint section. Matter of fact, Home Depot should just tape off the paint section for the month. That way we can save the world from the LeBrons or Kanyes or even the supposedly well-meaning blackface that makes people dress up as Obama, not to mention the blackface that knows it’s blackface (see: the guy from #5). Pro tip: Getting a spray tan counts too. It’s been like a hundred years of this — y’all (see: White people) should know better by now. Stay tuned to see who gets fired on Monday!