7. Indigenous Peoples’ Day
You’ll probably forget this at first, but all the “Only Christopher we acknowledge is Wallace” posts on social media are a dead giveaway.
6. Black Friday
There’s no correct way to spend this holiday, the American shopping equivalent of the Super Bowl. You can camp out at the mall for a chance to buy an oversized TV and Crock-Pot at bargain prices, be woke AF and abstain from consumerism (or only spend with skinfolk) to flaunt the power of the Black dollar, or stay your ass at home and eat all of the Thanksgiving leftovers.
Don’t let the holiday founder’s foul past stop you from lighting up some kinara candles, throwing on a dashiki, and celebrating Umoja and the six other principles of self-determination and community.
4. Cinco de Mayo
Any opportunity to chow on Tex-Mex and get wasted off frozen margaritas is a good one. Two things to remember, though: Mexican Independence Day is actually in September. And leave your sombrero at home, holmes.
3. September 4
Want to start an office mutiny? Call the Beyhive into work on Beyoncé’s birthday. Like they’ll never find another boss like you.