The 55 Biggest, Blackest Dad Jokes You've Never Heard
Photo: Getty Images / Design: Qadir El

The 55 Biggest, Blackest Dad Jokes You've Never Heard

Cue the laugh track!

Houston: We’ve got a dad joke problem. It’s not what you think.

When it comes to dad jokes, there’s a fine line between comical and cringe. It’s what makes them great. Yet when you scour the web for these big puns, you’ll see it’s so hard to find any with flavor. Word to Christopher Rios. Why should White dudes get to have a monopoly on bad knock-knock jokes?

The first recorded reference of the term “dad joke” dates back 35 years ago, when Jim Kalbaugh, a columnist for a Pennsylvania newspaper, stood ten toes down in support of the eye-roll-inducing wordplay. I guess you could say he’s dad jokes’ daddy. Much respect to Theo Wisseh and his Aht Aht Aht crew, who took the form viral on TikTok in recent years, but the fact remains that most of the quips you’ll stumble across these days aren’t DEI-friendly.

Don’t trip. It’s time for a rebrand.

Father’s Day is upon us. In commemoration, our early gift to you is a fresh batch of dad jokes—now 100% Blacker!—for use by both patriarchs and the seedless. You might laugh. You might cry. You might cry-laugh. But we guarantee you won’t have to stomach another gag about Tom Cruise or Forrest Gump or The Beatles or whatever the wisecrack equivalent of potato salad with raisins is.

Q: Why did Rihanna get pregnant?

A: She wanted a baby A$AP

Q: What’s a Hotep’s favorite New York City borough?
A: Queens

Q: What’s the best way to take care of your Jordans?

A: Always Air on the side of caution

Q: Why did the Black scientist study microbiology?
A: She did it for the culture

Did you hear about the huge banquet Fetty Wap held?

1,730 ate

Q: What do you call a female friend who’s into men and women?
A: Bi Felicia

Can you believe Salt-N-Pepa have been performing for more than 35 years?

Guess you could say they’re seasoned musicians!

Q: Why is James Harden never home?
A: Because he’s always traveling

Q: Why are your mom's sisters so good at poker?

A: Cause they’re always upping the auntie

Did you hear about the guy who bought all of the bodegas in Harlem?

He had the corner market market cornered!

Q: How did MC Hammer survive a plane crash?

A: By wearing parachute pants

Q: Why was the pork chop nervous at the cookout?
A: Because it was getting grilled

Q: Why weren’t the ribs happy?

A: They kept getting rubbed the wrong way

Q: What did the DJ who wrote “Cha Cha Slide” say when his friends made fun of him?
A: Take it back now, y’all

Q: How did Barry Sanders score so many touchdowns?

A: By running Barry fast

Q: What does Kansas City’s quarterback call all of his houses?
A: Mahomes

Q: How do rappers fix things?

A: With mixtape

Did you hear the one about the Black woman debating whether to straighten her hair?
It was a question of 2b or not 2b

Did you hear the one about the Black woman who decided to wear her hair natural?

She’s going to keep it that way for the 4c-able future

Q: What do you call a fraternity brother who’s really into Star Trek?
A: Omega Psi Phi nerd

Q: How was the star of Sister Act conceived?

A: Her parents were making Whoopi!

Q: What do you call a bug who’s looking fresh?
A: Super fly

Q: How do you move a Black church?

A: Lift every voice and sing

Did you hear about the guy who got addicted to old school R&B?
He couldn’t resist The Temptations

Q: What do you call a gathering of the Nation of Islam?

A: A Farrak-Con

Q: Why do rappers make bad meteorologists?
A: Because they’re always making it rain

Q: What do you call it when Gabrielle Union’s husband falls in the pool?

A: Wade in the water

Q: What happened when Russell Wilson’s wife tossed a soda can at him?
A: Ciara missed

Q: What does Michael Jordan put on his toast?

A: Space jam

Q: What does LeBron James put on his toast?
A: Space jam, too

Q: How did the Black Greek life students celebrate their initiations?

A: They Eta Pi

Q: Why do music producers build the best railroads?
A: Because they know how to lay down a great track

Did you hear the one about the two Migos who got in trouble?

They got grounded right before Takeoff

Q: Why did Lil’ Jon move to Oklahoma?
A: Cause it was OK!

Q: What do you call one of Beyoncé’s kids?

A: Destiny’s grandchild

Q: What does the Los Angeles Dodgers’ right fielder do at the casino?
A: Mookie bets

Q: What do you call a large bagel at Fenway Park?

A: A big poppy

Q: What’s a Black farmer’s favorite hairstyle?
A: Cornrows

Q: What’s a Black farmer's favorite card game?

A: Spades

Q: Did you hear the one about the Black entomologist?
A: He was buggin’

Did you hear about the time Bush’s Secretary of State nearly got kicked out of her apartment?

She had to exercise her Condo-leaser rights

Q: Why couldn’t the characters in Black Panther choose a place to eat?
A: They weren’t sure Wakanda food they wanted

Q: Why is Spike Lee so honest?

A: Because he’s always trying to Do the Right Thing

Q: Why don’t the New England pro soccer teams’ games air on ESPN?
A: Because The Revolution will not be televised

Q: Why didn’t Grandma cook the chicken?

A: Because she ran out of thyme

Q: How do the Obamas settle arguments?
A: Barack, paper, scissors

Q: Why does Chris Paul never have change for a dollar?

A: Cause he’s always dropping dimes

Q: How can you tell when a game is about to start at the Superdome?
A: The Saints come marching in

Q: What was Martin Luther King Jr.’s favorite drink?

A: Milk

Did you hear Diana Ross moved to a bigger city?
I guess she wanted mo’ town

Q: Why do people love Toni Morrison?

A: Because she was a Beloved author

Q: Why did the nosy aunt get fired from the diner?
A: Because she was always spilling tea

Q: What do you call a Pokemon fan with dry skin?

A: Ash Ketchum

Q: What’s a Black uncle’s favorite pizza place?
A: Domino’s

Did you hear that one about the guy that gambled on video games?

Dude lost 2K

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