BREAKING: Sources Say Almond Milk Is Not Squeezed Out of the Peanut
Photo: GQ/YouTube

BREAKING: Sources Say Almond Milk Is Not Squeezed Out of the Peanut

Rick Ross has nothing to fear

AUSTIN, Texas (LEVEL) — An recent episode of GQ’s Hype Debate video series found rapper Rick Ross making a shocking revelation to his music industry peer DJ Khaled.

The Miami music mogul said almond milk frightens him, acknowledging he isn’t quite sure how it works. “I just got up on 2% milk a couple years ago," Ross said. "Now y'all trying to conspiracy me into the…” he said, trailing off before adding, “and this the question: Is it from the almond of the walnut? Is they squeezing it out of the peanut?”

"I don't have that answer,” Khaled responded. “And I usually have every answer."

Mr. Ross’ fear of almonds may not seem all that rational but is a little more common than you might think. The National Institute of Mental Health does not recognize grown-ass men scared of almond milk as a phobia but does acknowledge “specific phobia” or “an intense, irrational fear of something that poses little or no actual danger.” The NIMH estimates that 12.5 percent of Americans are subject to specific phobia every year.

What may help the self-proclaimed biggest boss you’ve seen thus far to overcome his specific phobia of almond milk may be a better understanding of how almond milk is made. It does not come from the “almond of a walnut”—which reportedly does not exist—nor will a peanut yield the beverage, regardless of how hard one may squeeze it. Sources say almond milk doesn’t even come from an almond cow or almond goat.

According to the BBC, almond milk is created when almonds (not quite a nut, or a fruit, but a drupe) are soaked overnight in water and then blended and strained. It is often used as a vitamin-rich alternative to other types of milk that can be sweetened with honey or sugar. It is perfectly safe and fine, no conspiracy behind it, except for the fact that my cousin in Trinidad won’t [drink it] cuz his friend [drank] it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied.