Donald Trump Spent $70,000 in One Year for *That* Hair?
Photo: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Donald Trump Spent $70,000 in One Year for *That* Hair?

The former president's tax returns looks shady, but perhaps the biggest crime is how much he spent on whatever that is on his head

Donald Trump’s taxes for a six-year period have been released. People more expert than I are pouring through his returns, looking for evidence of crimes, including fraud. The Trump Organization (not Trump personally) was recently found guilty of 17 counts of felony fraud, and Trump personally is currently undergoing investigation for fraud in two other jurisdictions.

One of the first things pointed out by the House Ways and Means Committee, which released a summary of his returns, was the $70,000 Trump claimed as a business deduction for hair care. That should likely be a personal expense as opposed to a business expense, but that's neither here nor there. Isn’t the actual crime what he got for $70,000?

There are plenty of memes out there with fake hair on Trump’s noggin, but I always say, no need to lie when the truth suffices. I got my calculator out—$70,000 annually breaks down to $5,833.33 each month, or $1,346 and some change per week. Trump keeps his hair long to cover the bald spots. I don’t see him getting his hair cut more often than weekly, but who can say?

Trump fans, amazingly there are still many, laud his prowess as a businessman and see it as an asset to his presidency. How is it good business to spend $70,000 on that hair? I’m no expert on white people’s hair, but I wonder how Trump describes what he wants when talking to his stylist? The result was part flip-over, part mullet, with a bit of tye-dye thrown in. His hair color traverses shades of orange, blonde, and gray that vary widely over a week. Rather than pay $70,000, Trump should go bald and embrace his inner Uncle Fester.

I’d get a laugh to find out dude's barber is secretly fleecing Trump and taking that money and contributing it to the cause. A modern-day Robin Hood who steals from the rich and gives to The Lincoln Project, Black Lives Matter, or the Southern Poverty Law Center as examples.

Other politicians have taken heat over their hair expenses. John Edwards once spent $400 on a haircut—which made him the subject of ridicule—though at least it looked good. Bill Clinton got a haircut on Air Force One and was unfairly criticized for delaying airport traffic, which later was found not to have happened. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot was criticized for getting a trim during the height of Covid-19 while publicly asking people to avoid unnecessary contact and optional services.

John Edwards had repaid his campaign $800 for two haircuts, even before the amount was leaked to the public. Neither Clinton nor Lightfoot wrote off their expenses, which we know because their taxes were made public without a prolonged battle in the courts that cost Americans who knows how much. That Trump paid so much for so little is the actual crime. None of his friends pulling him aside and telling him what he looks like is another. Vanity, thy name is Trump.

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This post originally appeared on Medium and has been edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of William Spivey's work on Medium.