Illustration: Janet Sung
Did you know that sex can possibly save your life? Or, at the very least, prolong it? It’s true. But there’s a bit of a tweak to your sex schedule you may want to think about implementing. Turns out setting your alarm clock an hour earlier just might be healthy for you — and for your relationship.
Let me explain.
Every day, my dude is up at the crack of dawn. I am not. Because of this, he’s lights-out the moment his head touches the pillow. I am not. We manage to meet in the middle when we can — someone stays up late, someone goes to bed early. But for the most part, any frisky stuff happens after dark, once all work deadlines are met, chores are done, and children are asleep. I’m sure most folks can relate. We’re a culture that correlates sex with darkness and being horizontal.
But what if we turn the tables (and turn back the alarm clocks)? J. Cole knows what’s up. There’s something to be said for an early-morning romp, especially considering that there are physical reasons why a prework quickie tops Netflix and chill.
Here’s the thing: You’re at your best at the crack of dawn. Men tend to last longer in the morning, so odds are in your favor to put up the carnal equivalent of Jordan’s 55 points at The Garden.
Many of us cis-het women crave cuddling and a deep connection during and after sex. Meanwhile, cis-het dudes can drop off to sleep within minutes of reaching Pleasure Town. So one of the best parts of a.m. hanky-panky is that we’re starting out on the same level: rested and ready to power through the day.
Both testosterone and estrogen are at their highest levels in the a.m. — hence your morning tent — and those hormones make sex even more enjoyable for both men and women. What better way to start the day than with an orgasm? Plus, the hormones released during sex can serve as a natural painkiller throughout the day. That’s right, that pesky muscle ache from working out could be cured with a morning quickie.
Study after study extols the power and pleasure of morning sex. But I understand the main issue: Waking up earlier to have sex on a workday means… getting up earlier in the morning. No one wants to set an alarm for anything that’s optional. But here’s the thing: You’re at your best at the crack of dawn. Men tend to last longer in the morning, so odds are in your favor to put up the carnal equivalent of Jordan’s 55 points at The Garden.
Need more convincing? Fine. You know that pandemic poundage you’ve put on? Since you’re probably trying to get more active, how about burning some calories before breakfast? Most studies show that even a light sex workout can burn up to five calories a minute — and when that activity happens on an empty stomach, it burns fat more efficiently. Plus, men tend to burn more than women because men weigh more on average.
According to my kinky calculator (it’s a TI-69): With three morning sex sessions per week, you could cut 1,200 calories every month. It adds up! You’ll have a happy partner and make some progress on deflating that spare tire. Not to mention that natural morning light is way more forgiving than your nightstand lamp. Keep in mind, the session needs to be about 25 minutes — foreplay included — to reap the full benefits. Just try it once. So little to lose; so much to gain. And while it’s the heat of summer, you won’t even lose any light!
Remember how you used to get up early before an exam or the first day of school or a new job? You wanted to be sharp and ready and prepared. Look at it this way, you’re getting up early to be ready and prepared for your partner, and all the personal benefits. Your partner — and your own body — will thank you.
Thank you for coming to my TED (Trying Earlier Dirtytimes) Talk. Good night. And great morning.