7. Jordan XXXII
These cartoon villain-ass kicks are an aerodynamic mess. If you copped these, hope drawing throwing stars and death-metal band logos in your Remedial Earth Science textbook is going well!
6. Jordan XIX
We’re all the way here for incorporating different fabrics into footwear. but you can’t turn a Goadome into a dress shoe by clapping a mesh gaiter on the instep and some patent leather on the toecap. Clunky and needlessly genteel? These are definitely the joints Stanley in Friday wears while he asks you to stay off his frigging grass.
5. Jordan XX2
Stormtroopers, your perfect sneaker has arrived. The Star Wars kind, not the Nazi ki — ah, them too.
4. Jordan 2010
There’s a porthole in the side. Just a big, round porthole. When these came out, people got jokes off about speaking into it to place a drive-through order, but what they failed to realize is the hole actually served a functional purpose: that’s what your dignity escaped through when you wore these monstrosities.
3. Jordan XX8
What happens when a raincoat becomes a piece of footwear. From the fold-down ankle bootie to the friendship-lanyard zipper pull, everything about this screams “I gotta be home before the streetlights come on.”
2. Jordan XVII
Straight outta the remainders bin from the Eastbay catalog. How did Jordan make an All Lives Matter dad shoe?
1. Jordan XV
The shoe that drove Tinker Hatfield into temporary Jordan retirement. In a word: woof. Who thought our ankles need an extra lip? These joints are so gloriously hideous, we’re almost impressed by the fact that folks standing out in the streets for such saucelessness.
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