The Most Terrifying Three-Word Phrase Might Just Be ‘Whites-Only Church’

The Most Terrifying Three-Word Phrase Might Just Be ‘Whites-Only Church’

It’s an embarrassment of riches in our weekly roundup of the world’s most preventable disease!

Death and taxes used to be the only two certainties in life. But no matter how much progress it feels like we’re making sometimes, the sad fact is you can probably slide racism into that list. Are we in a moment of uprising that feels like it has the potential to create real, systemic change? Yes. Do people and organizations still show their ass on a daily basis? Oh, most definitely. And to keep tabs on all that ass-showing, we created a weekly racism surveillance machine. If you already get our newsletter, Minority Report, you’ve likely seen this — but now the rest of the internet can get a taste.

🗑 You had us at “a traditionally-minded son of Europe”

Murdock, Minnesota, is a small town. Like, fewer than 300 people small. But more than 50,000 people have signed a petition trying to stop the Asatru Folk Assembly from opening a church there. See, the organization, based in California, is classified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center — and we’re guessing that statements like “activities and behaviors destructive of the white family are to be discouraged” have something to do with it. Here’s something we’ve never quite understood: If you’re trying to recruit people to your fake-ass church that’s founded on vaguely defined “ethnic European” principles, why do you always go to the least populated places to do it? Seems counterintuitive. Anyway, best of luck “oppos[ing] the cultural Marxists who would reduce all of humanity to an indistinguishable gray mass”! (NBC News)

🗑 If you’re trying to win back your ex-girlfriend, may we suggest avoiding racist graffiti?

Walking outside in the morning to find a swastika and the N-bomb spray-painted on your garage can’t be a great feeling. But it’s gotta be worse realizing that the person who did it is your daughter’s ex-boyfriend. That’s what happened to a Tennessee family on New Year’s Eve — and because the genius was so clearly captured on their security camera, police arrested the guy later that day. Turns out this wasn’t Ian Grau’s first go-round with a can of spray paint, either; earlier last year, someone filed a police report claiming that he’d defaced a car at the same house. Here’s to you, Ian; if you’re this smart at 22 years old, we can’t wait to see what you accomplish when you really get cooking! (WKRN)

🗑 We’ll take “Assholes” for $800, Alex

If you’re filling out your 2021 Things We Probably Won’t Remember By the End of the Year bingo card, you’re gonna want to make sure “Bean Dad getting Milkshake Ducked” is on there. Over the weekend a guy named John Roderick told a long Twitter story about his nine-year-old daughter figuring out how to use a can opener. Charming, right? Absolutely. Well, at least until people realized that Roderick — who happens to co-host a podcast with Jeopardy! legend Ken Jennings — also had a long, long history of tweeting N-bombs and anti-Semitic garbage, either in some misguided attempt at irony or because blithe fiftysomething White dudes still have trouble wrapping their brains around the idea that they’re not actually hilarious. Jennings didn’t exactly make things better when he came to his friend’s defense, claiming that a guy who’s pro-Israel couldn’t possibly say anti-Semitic things. Either way, Roderick deleted his old tweets, Jennings is still rumored to be Alex Trebek’s replacement as Jeopardy! host, and everyone is still forgetting the obvious fact that he needs to get out the way so Kenan Thompson can do it. (Hollywood Reporter)