5. Wet wipes
They’ve already done toilet paper. And you’re basically wiping your ass with your money by spending on this shit in the resale market. Might as well go for the real thing.
4. Portable NBA regulation-sized basketball hoop
Who cares about who’s nominated to the Supreme Court when you could have a rare AF Supreme court in your own driveway! Slam dunks replace slammed gavels, and defenders get tripped up on crossovers instead of cross-examinations. Ball, like precedent, is life.
3. Combination washer and dryer
No better way to take care of your drip than a literal machine for laundering all those box logo pieces. DO NOT BLEACH, for chrissakes!
2. Space shuttle
Could you imagine any other fashion brand being first in the space race? There’s probably a whole world of future hypebeasts awaiting us on Mars at this very moment.
1. Stimulus check
As if it weren’t already damn near impossible to get your hands on one of these.