9 Least-Disgusting Types of Milk, Ranked

9. Skim

Definitely the least least-disgusting (i.e. most disgusting) milk you can buy. If we wanted something blue and tasteless, we’d kick it with Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy.

8. Pea

We rock with the idea of milk alternatives overall — shout out to our vegan and/or lactose-intolerant fam — but no one should ever have to say the phrase “Could I get that with pea milk?” out loud.

7. Coconut

Delicious for cooking. We see someone drinking coconut milk, though? We’re running. You don’t want to be there when the laughter stops.

6. Rice

Rice milk ain’t doing a damn thing for you. It’s not creamy, it’s got no protein or calcium, and it somehow tastes like literally nothing. If it wasn’t for horchata, it’d be languishing somewhere south of skim on this list.

5. Almond

Basically rice milk as far as nutritional value goes, but at least you can froth it for a coffee drink. [Looks meaningfully at soy milk.]

4. Whole

Wow, that is thick. Nothing goes better with Oreos, but that’s strictly a dunking affair — we dare you to pour yourself a glass of this without feeling like you’re drinking cold queso by the end of it.

3. Soy

All hail the undisputed king of smoothies. (For the record, that whole estrogen thing is garbage.)

2. Oat

Of course that shit is delicious — it’s got as much sugar as half a can of Coke! Enjoy, just go easy.

1. 2%

From cereal to coffee to that weird once-a-year craving you get for an actual glass of milk, it’s the one thing you need in your fridge. Assuming it doesn’t give you the wild bubble guts, that is.