6. The annoying dieter
This person has dietary, ahem, preferences left and right. They wanna know if the stuffing is gluten-free, whether the potato salad is vegan, how many carbs per slice of cranberry sauce, and if the main course is turkey or “turkey.” While everyone is fixing a plate, you’d find them sitting at the far end of the table looking both judgmental and hungry as fuck, munching on a baggie of shaved almonds they brought from home.
5. The Rip Van Winkle
Itis is a phenomenon as natural as volcano eruptions and counterclockwise toilet flushes; it’s to be expected after a large feast. But this person’s Thanksgiving food coma is concerning. They start by nodding off at the table after dinner, and for the rest of the evening, you’d see them pop up in various locations around the house looking like the dude from Weekend at Bernie’s, leaving you wondering whether you should call them a cab or a coroner.
4. The overly lenient parents (and their children)
We wouldn’t advocate for corporal punishment — especially not in the year of our lord 2020 — but this person really gotta get their badass kids in line before they work every last nerve you have. Would it be wrong to stick the kids’ table in the basement and banish them there until it’s time to leave?
3. The shady aunt
Your auntie really does mean well — it’s just hard to tell based on the passive-aggressive darts she throws all night. “Are you gonna do something with your hair?” “What happened to your little friend you brought here last year?” “You’re no spring chicken, y’know — when are you gonna have some babies?” There’s a reason #ThanksgivingClapbacks exists.
2. The bougie relative
Within a matter of three minutes, they manage to name-drop the fashion brands they’re currently rocking, the specs of their new foreign car, and the destination of their extended holiday vacation. You might not see them this year, but they’re happy to host next year — in case you were unsure, they have a looot more space at their place.
1. The Trump supporter
You’re already mentally prepared for them to show up wearing their MAGA hat. You promise yourself you will not get roped into their contrarian political bluster in which they literally play devil’s advocate. You fail every year.
Read more: The Layers of a Turducken, Ranked