Aren't You Tired of the Gender War?
Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante / Unsplash

Aren't You Tired of the Gender War?

Short Answer: No.

No matter if we're ready to face it or not, the gender war is real.

Sure, we haven't reached the point where we're literally engaged in mass hand-to-hand combat, but we're also not that far off.

Daily, I am asked by men, "Aren't y'all tired of the gender war?"

Speaking quite candidly, my answer is a loud and resounding "no!"

Why, do you ask? Well, let me explain…

Is it a War or Karma?

We live in a world that is unfair to women and girls on many levels. Sure, there were times in which simply being female almost guaranteed that you could live a "soft life," complete with protection, sex, a relatively faithful husband, and more.

Today, this is no longer the case. In fact, as a Black woman, the odds of getting married to a Black man, or any man, are much slimmer than other races of women. And Black women have been forced to become "the backbone of the community" with no reward or regard. Somehow, these same men complain about how Black women aren't submissive.

Pick a struggle!

Yet and still, Black men all over Beyonce's internet gather to discuss how women are out of line while avoiding their own accountability. For instance, Black women have been blamed for everything from having children out of wedlock to raising their kids to be convicts.

However, what you don't hear is men holding their deadbeat friends accountable, nor do you hear any men who were raised by single mothers speak about how the lack of male role models affected them.

At the same time, these same men have gone above and beyond to label Black women as the most inferior on Earth. And for the life of me, I don't understand why.

So many of them have created single-parent homes while refusing to marry the women. Many have been absent from their children's lives but somehow blame the mothers for it, etc. I've seen that Black women have sacrificed everything to keep their families/communities together.

But all good things come to an end — now we're here.

Why am I Writing This?

Although I write about these topics from a sociological perspective, I often avoid gender war debates in real life. This is because the topics are often very triggering, and many men seem to get a kick out of triggering women rather than holding themselves and their brothers accountable.

Nevertheless, I do engage here and/or there.

Recently, I was conversing with a group of men and women. It was started by men who wanted to list all the reasons Black women aren't suitable mates/wives. However, once women like me joined the conversation with intelligent responses, indeed, we were essentially scolded by the men in the room, told we should listen to their concerns because not everything has to be about the gender war.

Excuse me, what?!

Yeah, no. One thing I can't stand is men trying to bully their way around the world without any accountability. And unfortunately, many women get flustered and intimidated when men speak to them in certain tones.

Not I.

I've seen and experienced Black men yelling out how we're all undeserving b****** and h***, and they can pick and choose who they love and protect. Well, so can Black women!

Black women do not have to submit and bootlick males simply because they have penises. Especially when those men have said things such as, "If I'm not having sex with them, I don't have to protect them."

Sorry, you can't have it both ways.

I wrote about that with the Rho Bashe situation. And before you go into whatever allegations she has now, I want to be clear that my disgust was based on the reactions of Black men, in particular.

Read more about that here:

Ain't No Fun When the Rabbit Got the Gun

As a highly observant woman, who was once very male-identified, I want to remind men of the muck they’ve been running the entire time.

The only reason it’s being called a "war" is that women, especially Black women, have gotten tired of the mistreatment and started to demand that men act better or remain single.

Men will sit around and bash all women like it’s their full-time job, but when a woman comes with well-thought-out rebuttals, suddenly, it’s all a senseless war.

So, it seems that some men want the right to punch down on women with no recourse.

The Bottom Line…

Look, I’ve never been here for violence, but I’ve always been here for people standing up to bullies and those who have caused them harm.

There are plenty of Black men I never argue with, but they actually take care of their families and responsibilities rather than make excuses.

They are also the ones who readily admit that Black men are a much more significant threat to the community than single mothers, especially when you factor in violent crime, which, incidentally, is primarily Black men against Black men and Black men against Black women/kids.

Either way, women no longer need men to survive. In fact, as a collective, Black women are actually thriving financially, while the Black male collective has embarrassing unemployment rates.

And although it would be nice to have someone to protect Black women from physical violence, as we’ve seen, even that’s not guaranteed. Therefore, we are finally in a position to demand more rather than settle for less.

And to be clear, I am still in favor of Black love, but only when it's healthy. I will not uphold toxic Black relationships just to keep Black women loyal to men who marry the least while creating babies and just leaving them behind.

So, no, I'm not on the front lines of any "war." I detest that notion. However, if you spend considerable time picking on those "weaker" than you, you can't sound the war drum when they finally swing back. Nobody is listening.

This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. 

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