In March, the Supreme Court ruled against prohibiting school policies that require employees to report students’ sexual orientation and gender identity to parents.

As someone who has taught or tutored on every level of education between first grade and graduate school and has had students come out to me, I wanted to offer my perspective on why I can’t imagine any situation where I would out one of my students to their parents. My reasoning is a mix of moral and practical.

To start more broadly, I don’t see myself outing anyone at any age for any reason. Maybe there is a reason out there in some ultra-specific situation but I can’t conceive it.

As an educator, I have to create an environment that is conducive to learning for the individual students, the class, and the cohort. Outing a student would disrupt that — not only for that student, but their friends and social network. Once I out them and they return to class the next day, week, whenver, they come back completely disengaged. It might be the last time I hear their voice the rest of the semester/school year. Many of their friends too. At worst, they become disruptive, lashing out and I lose the respect of their friends and social networks. The whole atmosphere of at least that student’s class diminishes, but likely, all of my classes. Discussion and student interaction, that’s out of the window. Most, maybe all, of my students lose respect for me. And a student who doesn’t respect you stops learning.

I don’t dismiss the concept of parents rights as an instructor or as a parent myself. There are reasonable expectations for what a teacher should tell parents, but also factor in age appropriateness (a first grade teacher has to report things I’d never have to report as a college professor). But I don’t think sex orientation or gender identity is a reasonable thing to “report” because why would that come up anyway? What would be the impetus for me to out one of my students?

So for example, if my student is gay, am I going to ask them “hey, do your parents know you’re gay?” Why would I assume the parents don’t know this? Am I expected to report other things related to identity or expression? So for example, a student says in an essay that they don’t believe in God. Do I need to report this to a parent? If they wore a top that exposes their stomach and I see a bellybutton piercing or a tattoo, should I report that?

If a student wears a MAGA hat to class, should I call the parents to make sure it is acceptable to them? What else do I need to surveil? Do parents rights mean students have no reasonable expectation for privacy or autonomy? Even at the risk of the student’s mental wellbeing? I have no responsibility to them independent from parents? And again, why would I assume a parent doesn’t have knowledge of a fundamental part of their child’s identity?

That segues into my last point. here, I will be admit my less professional, more personal opinion: if your child doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that part of their identity with you, it’s a very high chance that there’s an issue with your relationship that you should address with grace. Maybe they want to come out to peers first (a very common, I’m surmising the most common, first step). But maybe they are keeping that from you deliberately. I trust their reasons for withholding that info from you.

At the very least, it isn’t my job to probe why they made that choice or to take that choice from them. They will tell you when they are ready. If they never tell you, me not reporting them is not the issue. Parental rights don’t exist outside of parental responsibilities.