6. “Wow, I didn’t even recognize you!”
Really, Dan? Of all of my identifying features — not to mention the full name that appears on my Zoom window — you were confused as to who I am? I’m still me… just with slightly less hair. Relax.
5. “I wish my hair could do that!”
I assume that this underwhelming compliment is delivered with genuine admiration. Thing is, aside from further othering me in an environment where I’m already a minority, I don’t think White folks truly grasp the beautiful struggle that comes with these coils. (Ingrown hairs — ever heard of ’em?)
4. “You got a haircut… again?”
Yes, again. And a shape-up a week later, followed by another cut one week after that. What’s the confusion?
3. “You look just like [insert celebrity who bears little resemblance outside of also being Black].”
The fact that you think I look like Damian Lillard says more about your limited mental directory of Black men than it does about my barber’s wizardry. Do you also think I can sink a half-court shot with ease?
2. “Do you cut your own hair?”
Bruh. I dropped $50 on this taper fade. Regardless of the intent, I’ma take it as shade.
1. “Can I touch it?”
There’s no way you haven’t heard the Solange song by now. To quote myself: “No, you absolutely may not fondle my fucking ’fro.”
Read more: The 4 Virgos That Black Folks Least Mess With, Ranked