8. Halle Berry’s Storm-Damaged Mane in ‘X-Men’
You cast a superhero like Halle as a meteorologically masterful mutant, and then you put her in a bedraggled Emmylou Harris wig? The only rain getting made right now is our tears.
7. Jada Pinkett Smith’s Karen-Ass Pixie in ‘Gotham’
Jada’s run as Fish Mooney, Gotham’s top B-list villain, was appropriately campy — but that cut looks like it’s about to ask to see a supervisor.
6. Mahershala Ali’s Geriatric Toupee in ‘True Detective’
The two-time Oscar winner played many different versions of Wayne Hays in the HBO show’s third season, but Old Man Hays was his most triumphant. He’s got the walk down, the slow drawn-out talk down; it’s art. Then there’s that gray Brillo pad perched atop his dome. No justice, no hairpiece!
5. Samuel L. Jackson’s Sisqo Struggle in ‘Jumper’
Listen, we’ll rock with just about any hair (or lack thereof) cinema’s most iconic sports — even that samurai updo in The Spirit — but this perpetually askew atrocity was platinum in color only. Whatever studio cooked that up should be up for demolition, man.
4. Mekhi Phifer’s Backpack Sacrilege in ‘8 Mile’
If you didn’t already know 8 Mile was lacking in the realism department, consider the fact that in a world full of lyrical-spherical-miracle rappity-rap dudes, nobody in the 3–1–3 let homie know about his whole…situation. Head top screamin’ “Future, I don’t fit you!”
3. Michael Colter’s Unnatural Natural in ‘Luke Cage’
Luke’s prison-time flashbacks were hard to watch — not because of the systemic racism of the carceral state, but because of this Johnny Appleseed-lookin’ monstrosity. We have so many questions about the hair/beard combo: Did it come as a set? Is it as itchy as it looks? How many pubic hairs died during its creation?
2. Terrence Howard’s Dreadful Locs in ‘Empire’
Your man has got to be tired of being a meme, but that’s what happens when a production crew takes its cues from Anthony Anderson in Scary Movie 3. Lucious Lyon + Snoop Lion = everybody lyin’.
1. Shemar Moore’s Corny Rows in ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’
Tyler Perry says he loves Black people and we want to believe him, but this lacefront lady-repeller has been a plague on Black culture for like 15 years. We didn’t deserve this.
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