5. Your utter lack of virtual humanity
We all miss exposure to what we’ll call “people and animals who are not living in our own home.” So when we see a foreign living object in a Zoom call, people who are human — and paying attention — react in real time. You do not. You have a three-seconds-to-infinity delay.
4. Your blank stare
It’s like you’re on a first date and your eye contact is too good. It makes you suspicious. You’re so good at this! It’s creepy! It’s somewhat effective! Also, though: We’re on to you. You are, without a doubt, toggling back and forth to Instagram.
3. Your repetition
You do that high school thing where, when called upon, you just repeat the last thing your non-paying-attention ass heard.
2. We can hear it
Bruh, your audio is on. Either you’re typing, or there’s a parade of obese spiders krumping on your keyboard. (Hey, remember krumping?)
1. We can see it
You wear glasses. You wear glasses! WE CAN SEE YOUR SCREEN IN YOUR GLASSES. We see colors. We see changes. You have one hand showing? Cool! The other one is on your Bluetooth mouse. Know how we know? It’s in your glasses.