The Five Stages of Grief While Watching Usher and Keke Palmer's "Boyfriend" Music Video
Photo: YouTube

The Five Stages of Grief While Watching Usher and Keke Palmer's "Boyfriend" Music Video

Aye, somebody go check on Darius

On Wednesday, Usher debuted a well-kept secret of a music video featuring Keke Palmer called "Boyfriend," clearly about the recent flap involving the actress and her then-boyfriend, Darius Jackson.

We've already explained the backstory here, but now it looks like this saga has a very entertaining coda: A music video that plays like a fanfiction account of Keke and Usher's Vegas encounter, all while visually nodding to the singer's 2002 music video for the single "U Don't Have to Call." It looks like Jackson has become this week's eff-around-and-find-out award recipient.

The song's lyrics are grade-A trollery: "Somebody said that your boyfriend's lookin' for me/Oh, that's cool, that's cool," sings Usher. "Well, he should know I'm pretty easy to find/Just look for me wherever he sees you."

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Yes, this is savage, but also par for the course for a dude who many years ago warned men everywhere not to leave their significant others in his presence unattended. Still, we can't help but wonder what Jackson must've been thinking watching the video for the first time. (Someone should really check on him.) But we'd imagine his internal dialogue went something like this.

1. Denial

There's no way this could be happening. Who records a song, shoots a video, and casts someone's MOM in the video, all because her boyfriend talked s**t about what she wore to a concert? That is a long way to go to win the war over some (admittedly) petty remarks. But then again, what's better than winning a war over some petty s**t?

2. Anger

This is some bulls**t. Who can I sue over this? I'm gonna sue Usher. I'm gonna sue Keke. I'm gonna sue YouTube for hosting and X or Twitter or whatever it's called for letting Usher promote this well-choreographed hit piece. I will have my revenge!!!

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3. Bargaining

What if I record my own song and put out my own video and it was a better song and video than that trash Usher put out? But then I'd have to learn to songwrite and produce and hire a director. This sounds really expensive. Maybe I should start a GoFundMe or something.

What if I wrote Keke a nice note asking her to take it down? It's not too late to remove it from the internet, is it?

4. Depression

This is bad. Very, very not good. People are gonna be doing the dance from the video right at me every time I go to the gym. Why did I have to say anything? Am I gonna be 'Boyfriend' for the rest of my life? Why does Usher have to win at everything?? Le sigh.

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5. Acceptance

You know what? I said what I said and I'd say it again. Life's too short to be in a social-media drama triangle. I'm out of here and I don't just mean this beef. I'm out of the relationship and moving on. I'm gonna have someone tell People magazine. That's what I'm doing. Darius has left the building. I'm sure I can find a woman better than Keke Palmer. I'm gonna put Tinder back on my phone. Then we'll see who's a winner.