Sample entry: Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens (Boomerang)
Who wouldn’t want to bunk up with two ’90s sex symbols? As long as Marcus stays the hell away from our feet, we good with making things a little Strangé.
Sample entry: “Do you like kids? You can racially profile my Brown one!”
Part of being conservative enough to speak at the Republican National Convention is accepting the bitter pill that your own Brown son is more likely to commit a crime than your White son. You love them both equally, but a potential RNC fling doesn’t need to know that.
Sample entry: Monopoly
Capitalism at its most ruthless (right down to the prison-industrial complex — stay woke). You’re gonna flip the fuck out when you land on someone’s four-house Marvin Gardens property for the fifth time, and probably flip over the entire board in poverty-stricken rage, sending fake money, dice, and game pieces everywhere. Hint: Do not play during a recession.
Sample entry: Batman
Only one of these heroes has a Twitter account dedicated to dunking on him, and that’s the douchiest caped crusader in all of comics — a billionaire cop with rigid sensibilities around street justice and a hankering for rumbles with traumatized adolescents and spandex-garbed sociopaths. If Batman caught you jaywalking in Gotham, he’d probably break your legs.
Sample entry: The perspirer
An unappealing combination of shirtless, sweaty, and hairy, this hooper insists on regularly using his post-up game and making bodily contact with his opponent as often as possible. Win or lose, this guy is salty.
Sample entry: “Slap”
Here’s what slaps: Bay Area hip-hop. That’s it. Here are things that don’t actually slap, but we’ve seen described as slapping on Twitter: zucchini muffins. A biography of Emily Dickinson. Reiki. Mac Dre didn’t die for this.
Sample entry: Madea’s Witness Protection (2012)
An all too familiar fish-out-of-water casting juxtaposes your favorite gun-toting matriarch with the dad from American Pie and some other White folks. There’s a Ponzi scheme, missing funds from a church building budget — wait a minute, is this the most realistic Madea movie?
Read more: All 11 ‘Madea’ Movies, Ranked
Sample entry: Michael Colter’s Unnatural Natural in Luke Cage
Luke’s prison-time flashbacks were hard to watch — not because of the systemic racism of the carceral state, but because of this Johnny Appleseed-lookin’ monstrosity. We have so many questions about the hair/beard combo: Did it come as a set? Is it as itchy as it looks? How many pubic hairs died during its creation?
Sample entry: Neo in The Matrix
A computer nerd pops a pill and enters an alternate reality in which he learns martial arts and how to stop bullets mid-flight, becoming the messiah who saves Laurence Fishburne and his people (of color) from annihilation. Sounds about White!
Sample entry: Potato salad
You’re really gonna add dried grapes to the most pivotal dish at the cookout? T’Challa put it best: “Aw, hell naw, Karen. Keep your bland-ass potato salad to yourself!”